Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Handle me with care, I crumble like a Nature Valley bar! 🍪😅 Just a gentle touch is all I need…and maybe a few extra chocolate chips to keep me together!"

bar, built, delicate, food, fragility, humor, me, nature, Nature Valley, snack, valley, vulnerability

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

0

2 months ago

12, 1970s, 1980s, 80s, anything, humor, i, keith, Keith Richards, Marlboro, Marlboros, million, resilience, richards, smoking, survival, survive
Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

0

2 months ago

communication, dating, friendship, humor, i, life, lot, media, message, people, relationship, social, social life, social media, stopped, texting, while
Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

0

3 weeks ago

anyone, blast, concern, dad, distraction, else, family, father, full, habit, house, humor, just, loud, phone, phones, video, videos, volume, watch
I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

0

2 months ago

am, crime, crime show, done, drug, escobar, humor, i, lot, marijuana, motivation, much, Narcos, pablo, Pablo Escobar, productivity, say, show, smoking, someone, weed
My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

0

4 months ago

deserve, humor, i, irony, relaxation, self-awareness, still, thinking, toxic, toxic trait, trait, travel, vacation, while
I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, drank, exhaustion, faster, humor, irony, lot, tired

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

33 shares on X this month:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Just landed via Slack:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Just shared via X:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Shared recently on Threads:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Seen just now on Instagram:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Just shared via Slack:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨