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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ซ has viewed:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

The main cause of immigration is weโ€™re still a country where people want to go, but weโ€™re working on fixing that.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

If youโ€™re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,400

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Facebook:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Trending via YouTube:

People in NYC are like, let me know if youโ€™re ever in NYC.

Just shared via Twitch:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Shared recently on Instagram:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Just shared via Twitch:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

Just shared via YouTube:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Making waves on YouTube:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Just landed via YouTube:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Witty quote about avoiding relationship lessons, humorously comparing oneself to a scholar.
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Commentary:
"Who knew relationships could come with a syllabus? ๐Ÿ“š๐Ÿค“ Maybe it's time to apply for that 'Advanced heartbreak' course and earn yourself a PhD in Dating Drama! ๐Ÿ˜‚ #RelationshipScholar"

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

22 shares on Slack this month:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later havenโ€™t been making enough effort eating.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

28 shares on Discord this month:

My optimism doesnโ€™t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

75 shares on X this month:

I canโ€™t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I stopped writing โ€œFeel free to reach out if you need anything elseโ€ at the end of my emails because please donโ€™t do that.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. Iโ€™m getting it framed.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Might start signing off emails with, โ€œBut what do I know.โ€

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has viewed:

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevinโ€™s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

If I found E.T., I wouldโ€™ve developed his jump shot.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ด has bookmarked:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on X:

Thereโ€™s a rhyming Italian expression for saying โ€œtake it or leave itโ€ that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means โ€œeither eat this soup or throw yourself out the windowโ€.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Going viral on TikTok:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Just landed via Facebook:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My anti-theft device in my car is that itโ€™s manual.

Just shared via Messenger:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Going bananas on Discord:

If you like Christmas so much, why donโ€™t you merry it?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Trending via Instagram:

Telling everyone Iโ€™m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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