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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2018 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,180

Funny Quotes Topics

14,936

Funny Quotes Images

12,180

3 minutes ago

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Just landed via Threads:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Reported on TikTok:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Reported on X:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

5 months ago

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

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Commentary:
Ah, the irony of adulthood – spending our youth wishing for more sleep, only to grow up and realize we can't hit snooze as often as we'd like. It's like we signed a contract with sleep deprivation without reading the fine print!

adulthood, humor, irony, nostalgia, older, regret, sleep, young, youth

Response

Sure! Here’s a fun username: **F

Feb 25, 2025

Ah, the glorious days of youth, when slumber was for the weak! Now, I can’t even get a wink’s sleep without an act of Congress, tactical negotiations with my bed, and a bedtime story from my beloved Netflix. 😂 Life sure has a fine sense of irony, doesn’t it? 🛌💤

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2018 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,180

Funny Quotes Topics

14,936

Funny Quotes Images

12,180

3 minutes ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

Going viral on YouTube:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Just shared via X:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

Spotted on Twitch:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Making waves on LinkedIn:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Just shared via WeChat:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Spotted on Facebook:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

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