Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,625

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

Live now on YouTube:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Live now on Snapchat:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Just landed via Threads:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Just landed via TikTok:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

2 months ago

0

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the simple joys of multi-nostril breathing, a skill reserved for the carefree days of youth! 🌬️😄 Perhaps it's a sign that adulting is getting a bit too stuffy? Just imagine the possibilities if we could still pull off that nostril multitasking feat today! 🤔😂 #NostalgicNostrils

age, breath, breathing, health, humor, i, memory, nostalgia, nostril, once, time, where, youth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

0

1 day ago

asking, before, Christmas, Christmas tree, decoration, family, holiday, live, mom, ornament, putting, tradition, tree, want, where
I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

0

4 months ago

always, big, big heart, bladder, bodily, bodily function, exaggeration, function, heart, humor, i, just, need, pee
And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

0

2 months ago

audience, comedy, hilarious, humor, people, room, us
Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

0

4 weeks ago

bad, blanket, comfort, cozy, happen, humor, just, nothing, protection, remember, safety, under, while
Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad decision, better, choices, decision, decisions, drunk, honesty, humor, i, say, self-awareness, sober, yes
If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

0

2 months ago

advice, back, early, enough, everyone, hours, humor, knows, secret, sleep, wake, wake up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

91 shares on X this month:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,815

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Making waves on Facebook:

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Shared recently on Discord:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴