Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

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Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

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I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.