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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,313

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Breaking via TikTok:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Just landed via Reddit:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Going bananas on YouTube:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Live now on Instagram:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Spotted on Twitch:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

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Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.
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Commentary:
"Who needs small talk when you have deep discussions with your inner monologue? 💬💭 It's like having a TED talk in your own brain, complete with intermissions for overthinking and callbacks for self-doubt. 🤔😅 #ConversationsWithMeMyselfAndI"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Threads this month:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

42 shares on X this month:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,376

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Making waves on Instagram:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Going viral on Twitch:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

Spotted on Telegram:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

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