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Commentary:
"No apologies needed! Alcohol just helped me unleash my inner Shakespearean poet 🍷✨ Can't guarantee the accuracy, but the passion was real! 😂 #DrunkPoetSociety"

apology, confession, context, drunk, every, honesty, humor, i, meant, relationship, sorry, word, words

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

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6 months ago

addiction, alcohol, celebrity, drug, drugs, give, humor, joke, keith, Keith Richards, life, longevity, richards, take
Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

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2 months ago

backfire, daily, daily grind, going, grind, humor, irony, job, me, struggle, times, work
I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

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2 months ago

body, body image, content, fat, getting, humor, image, perspective, self-deprecation
Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

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2 months ago

adulthood, aging, bad, convince, eyesight, font, font size, going, humor, just, means, self-deception, size, small, too, trying, yourself
I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

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2 months ago

cat, drink, drinking, every, help, humor, i, job, let, pay, pet, rent, smell, sommelier, wine
If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

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4 months ago

attitude, bit, good, handle, humor, joke, jokes, me, missing, personality, relationship, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on X this month:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

30 shares on Messenger this month:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

90 shares on Discord this month:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Trending via Pinterest:

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Trending via Telegram:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Just landed via Threads:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Just landed via Slack:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨