Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

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If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

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Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

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After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

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Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

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Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

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I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

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When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

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I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

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It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

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Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.