Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

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Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

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“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

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Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

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Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

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Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

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I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

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Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

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“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

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I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.