Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,742

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Going viral on Messenger:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Seen just now on X:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Breaking via Facebook:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Going viral on X:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about shifting blame to planets instead of yourself, humorous and playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Don't stress over your mishaps, just shift the blame to those sneaky planets! Who knew Mercury's retrograde could be so impactful? 🌌😂 Embrace astrology and watch your responsibilities align with the stars! ⭐️🪐 #BlameThePlanets"

astrology, blame, blaming, failures, growth, humor, learn, lightheartedness, personal, personal growth, planets, self-help, stop, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on X this month:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

89 shares on X this month:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

35 shares on Threads this month:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,411

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Shared recently on Slack:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Spotted on X:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

Spotted on Discord:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Going viral on TikTok:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Shared recently on Threads:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Just shared via Discord:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

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