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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

34 minutes ago

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Reported on Facebook:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Just shared via Instagram:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Just landed via Telegram:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Just shared via X:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Making waves on Facebook:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

5 months ago

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the fabled creatures known as software engineers 🧙‍♂️ Uniquely intelligent or just really good at Googling error messages? 🤔 Their mystical powers have caused mischief indeed, turning everything into binary code and making the rest of us feel like mere mortals in the land of algorithms and bugs! 🤪👾 #WizardsOfTheDigitalRealm"

belief, damage, done, engineer, humor, intelligence, intelligent, irony, society, software, software engineer

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

34 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media. Like, why am I showing my life?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Live now on Snapchat:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Breaking via Facebook:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Spotted on Telegram:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Just landed via X:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

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