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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,534

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Spotted on TikTok:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Trending via WeChat:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

Making waves on X:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Trending via Instagram:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Going viral on X:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Just landed via TikTok:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Just landed via Threads:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

1 month ago

Funny quote about parenting revealing your future misery in 48 hours.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, parenting: the ultimate crash course in empathizing with your future self 🤒🤢 Who knew that a stomach bug could double as a crystal ball predicting your own misery? The joys of 'shared suffering' with your little germ factories! 😆👨‍👧‍👦 #ParentingProblems #GrossButTrue"

anticipation, being, best, exactly, feel, going, hours, humor, illness, kids, parenting, reality, sick

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Messenger this month:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

12 shares on X this month:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I let my girl wear whatever because you’re staring, and I’m hittin’ that.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Spotted on Instagram:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Just shared via YouTube:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Spotted on Twitch:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Trending via Reddit:

There are too many neglected emojis.

Spotted on TikTok:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Just shared via Messenger:

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

Trending via Threads:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

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