Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.
  • In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.
  • You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.
  • Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.
  • I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.
  • Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.