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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Reported on Snapchat:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Just landed via TikTok:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Going viral on Instagram:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Just landed via Twitch:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Reported on Twitch:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Spreading quickly via X:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

6 months ago

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

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Commentary:
"The name's Bond, James Bond… and I prefer my martinis shaken, not stirred, and hold the balloons, please! 🎩🎈 Agent 007 reporting for duty with a unique sense of style and some unexpected fears. Who says spies can't have quirks too? 😉🔫 #LicenseToChill"

afraid, balloon, bond, character, conductor, hat, humor, james, James Bond, movie, next, quirky, should, train, train conductor, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Making waves on YouTube:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

Trending via Instagram:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Just landed via YouTube:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Breaking via YouTube:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Live now on YouTube:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Reported on Facebook:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Trending via TikTok:

Wolves should really raise more people.

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