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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Freshly posted on X:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Live now on WhatsApp:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Making waves on Slack:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Trending via Messenger:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Spotted on Facebook:

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about a quirky James Bond with a train conductor's hat and balloon fears.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"The name's Bond, James Bond… and I prefer my martinis shaken, not stirred, and hold the balloons, please! 🎩🎈 Agent 007 reporting for duty with a unique sense of style and some unexpected fears. Who says spies can't have quirks too? 😉🔫 #LicenseToChill"

afraid, balloon, bond, character, conductor, hat, humor, james, James Bond, movie, next, quirky, should, train, train conductor, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

23 shares on X this month:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

60 shares on X this month:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

65 shares on X this month:

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

30 shares on Twitch this month:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,340

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

Breaking via Pinterest:

My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.

Making waves on Reddit:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Spotted on WeChat:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Spotted on Slack:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

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