Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.
  • I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.
  • When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.
  • I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.
  • Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.
  • I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.