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Commentary:
"Who knew the key to a successful marriage was trading back rubs for takeout orders? 🍱💆‍♂️ Sounds like a deliciously relaxing union, don't you think? Just remember, a happy belly equals a happy heart! ❤️ #MarriageGoals"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

1 month ago
airport, fly, humor, idiot, media, satire, social, social media, TikTok
If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

2 months ago
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Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

1 month ago
allowed, anger, day, days, difficult, difficult day, frustration, humor, i, myself, patience, people, remind, reminder, self-control, today, where
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

1 month ago
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Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

1 month ago
bet, beverage, capri, Capri Sun, fruit, fruit juice, humor, juice, scientist, scientists, sun, taste
I want this laziness removed from my body.

4 months ago
body, desire, humor, i, laziness, motivation, procrastination, want

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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The most important meal of the day is the next one.

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She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

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Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

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Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

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Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

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Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

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Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

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Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Live now on WeChat:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Just landed via Messenger:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Freshly posted on X:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Going bananas on Discord:

Salary week, but salary weak.

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The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

I want this laziness removed from my body.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

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The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

I want this laziness removed from my body.

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