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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I have a yearning disability.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,594

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Spreading quickly via X:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Just landed via Instagram:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Going viral on Twitch:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Just landed via Instagram:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'jinx of sibling harmony' strikes again! 😂 It's like summoning the chaos gods just by acknowledging the rare moment of peace in the house! 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♀️ Next time, maybe just silently sip your coffee and pretend you didn't see a thing! ☕🤫"

advice, caution, humor, kids, nicely, notice, parenting, playing, thing, together, worst

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

88 shares on X this month:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

84 shares on Slack this month:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

18 shares on Threads this month:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,404

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

Shared recently on Discord:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Going viral on X:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Going viral on TikTok:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Spotted on TikTok:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Spotted on Reddit:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Trending via Slack:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Live now on Threads:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

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