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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,334

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

Just landed via Pinterest:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Seen just now on Telegram:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Just landed via Telegram:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Trending via Messenger:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Spotted on WeChat:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Going bananas on Slack:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Some people are just one Excel spreadsheet away from an Oscar for Best Actor in a leading role 🎭📊 #MasterOfPretendingToWork"

busy, humor, looking, office, people, productivity, pros, types, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

0

2 months ago

am, cold, exaggeration, goodbye, guess, humor, i, illness, man, sadness
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

0

2 months ago

arrange, beat, cleverness, competition, humor, strategy, wit
Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

0

4 months ago

around, everyone, guide, humor, i, job, joke, just, knowing, knowledge, love, me, need, only, think, tour, tour guide, travel, walking
I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

0

2 months ago

day, Groundhog, humor, ID, nature, over, prediction, trust, weather, weatherman
Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

0

2 months ago

activity, age, changes, fitness, fun, fun activity, humor, i, life, life changes, mid-forty, parkour, take, think
Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

0

3 months ago

choose, diary, expression, humor, i, just, media, personal, personal expression, show, social, social media, stranger, strangers, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on X this month:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

94 shares on Threads this month:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

14 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Going viral on Reddit:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Seen just now on Discord:

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Just landed via WeChat:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

Broadcasted on Slack:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨