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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has downloaded:

β€œGrey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has copied:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,782

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on YouTube:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Trending via Discord:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Just landed via Discord:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Spotted on Discord:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Spotted on Facebook:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Just landed via Reddit:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, β€œSCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Seen just now on Twitch:

β€œIs everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Going bananas on YouTube:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Witty text about self-deprecating humor, highlighting a playful and humorous attitude.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a relationship when you have a face that can charm even the toughest critics? 😏✨ #SingleAndSlayingIt #FaceOfFlawless"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

90 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

46 shares on Threads this month:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,769

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has shared:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has copied:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has shared:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has viewed:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has bookmarked:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has copied:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has shared:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Threads:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Making waves on X:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

Spotted on Telegram:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Seen just now on YouTube:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Making waves on X:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Trending via Discord:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Just shared via Threads:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Breaking via Facebook:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

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