Trendy Funny Quotes

  • When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.
  • I need a six-month vacation twice a year.
  • Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.
  • Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.
  • “You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.
  • Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.