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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,476

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Trending via Pinterest:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Going viral on Twitch:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Just landed via Telegram:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Going viral on YouTube:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

This whole week could have been an email.

2 weeks ago

Funny quote about feeling overwhelmed, with witty words about a busy week.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
💌💻 "Ever had one of those weeks where you're basically a living, breathing spam filter? It's like every meeting and memo was just one giant attachment to the most unnecessary email ever sent. Who needs a calendar when you have a delete key, am I right? 😆 #EmailsForDays"

communication, email, humor, productivity, week, whole, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Messenger this month:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Icarus loved hot wings.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

What does international law say about a third Margarita?

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

96 shares on Slack this month:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

62 shares on Discord this month:

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,499

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Making waves on Discord:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Making waves on Messenger:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Seen just now on YouTube:

Having a crush is so fun, it’s literally just butterflies and delusion.

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