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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,504

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Just landed via Facebook:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Trending via Twitch:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Breaking via Slack:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Just landed via X:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Just shared via Slack:

Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

Breaking via Instagram:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Freshly posted on Slack:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

This whole week could have been an email.

1 week ago

Funny quote about feeling overwhelmed, with witty words about a busy week.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
💌💻 "Ever had one of those weeks where you're basically a living, breathing spam filter? It's like every meeting and memo was just one giant attachment to the most unnecessary email ever sent. Who needs a calendar when you have a delete key, am I right? 😆 #EmailsForDays"

communication, email, humor, productivity, week, whole, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on WeChat this month:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

85 shares on Twitch this month:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

15 shares on X this month:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

55 shares on Threads this month:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro, you gotta try this high-protein Caesar salad, cold brew, air fryer, overnight oats recipe I found on Instagram.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,319

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Breaking via Threads:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Freshly posted on Threads:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Shared recently on Discord:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Spotted on Messenger:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

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