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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me.

Seen just now on Slack:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Breaking via Reddit:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Just landed via TikTok:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Making waves on Threads:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

This whole week could have been an email.

6 days ago

Funny quote about feeling overwhelmed, with witty words about a busy week.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
💌💻 "Ever had one of those weeks where you're basically a living, breathing spam filter? It's like every meeting and memo was just one giant attachment to the most unnecessary email ever sent. Who needs a calendar when you have a delete key, am I right? 😆 #EmailsForDays"

communication, email, humor, productivity, week, whole, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

81 shares on Threads this month:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

83 shares on Discord this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Milk or be milked.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,646

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Going viral on Reddit:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Making waves on Telegram:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Spotted on Threads:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

Live now on Pinterest:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

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