Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Want to spice up your work life? Just remember the two golden rules: 1. Keep HR off your back. 2. Avoid turning your office romance into a soap opera drama. 🚫💔 #WorkplaceRomanceDrama"

2, advice, date, hr, humor, never, office, partner, pissed, reasons, relationship, super, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

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2 months ago

always, book, cleverness, dog, dog ear, ear, facade, humor, irony, keep, know, literary, nightstand, people, perception, read, reading, think
I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

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2 months ago

6, am, around, delay, drive, driving, early, early morning, humor, i, late, leisure, morning, retire, retirement, slow, slow drive, tardiness, wait, work, work delay
When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

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2 months ago

50, age, body, boy, doctor, eye, humor, i, lazy, lazy eye, me, rest, spread, time, young, young boy
One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

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3 weeks ago

casual, casual conversation, conversation, drink, humor, kettle, let, main, me, phrase, put, reasons, say, stuff, tea
Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

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2 months ago

chewing, distraction, food, humor, me, murderer, priority, tell
Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

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2 months ago

behavior, digital, digital behavior, feed, humor, judging, mature, maturity, media, non-judgmental, person, scrolling, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

33 shares on Slack this month:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Going viral on TikTok:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Spotted on Facebook:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

Just landed via Pinterest:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Just shared via Reddit:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Going viral on WeChat:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨