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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,458

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Shared recently on X:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Just shared via WeChat:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Seen just now on Threads:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Breaking via YouTube:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Going viral on YouTube:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Trending via Threads:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

2 months ago

0

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of aging gracefully – from stealthy moves to crackling grooves! 🕺💀 Just remember, each creak and pop is a reminder of your well-earned wisdom… or maybe it's just your body reminding you to stretch more! 🧘‍♂️😂 Embrace the symphony of sounds that come with entering the fabulous 40s club! 🎶🔊 #CreakyButCheeky"

40s, ability, aging, bones, changes, cracking, humor, life, life changes, sneaky, walk, walking, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

0

2 months ago

1997, communication, humor, i, irony, nice, observation, sarcasm, silence, vow, vow of silence
Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

0

2 months ago

always, Anglo, answer, contacts, electric, humor, i, just, landlord, Mike, name, names, phone, phone contacts, phones, realization, surname
I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

0

2 months ago

condition, humor, ignore, joke, name, relationship, sarcasm, term, terms
Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

0

2 months ago

always, arguing, black, black sheep, corner, culture, digital, digital culture, humor, internet, media, online, online platform, platform, satire, self-argument, sheep, social, social media, tech, tech humor, Twitter, web
I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

0

2 months ago

bed, bedtime, call, cop, cops, event, humor, i, joke, own, party, ready, sleep, social, social event
To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

0

2 months ago

deserve, honesty, humor, hurt, i, just, me, playing, relationships, sarcasm, say, stop, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on TikTok this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

94 shares on Slack this month:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

24 shares on X this month:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

76 shares on Slack this month:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a day off from myself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,239

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Shared recently on X:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Breaking via TikTok:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

Breaking via Slack:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

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