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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

How do people post 25 times a day? The only thing I can do 25 times a day is pee.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,710

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Breaking via Threads:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Going viral on Instagram:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Going bananas on WeChat:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Making waves on Slack:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Just landed via Instagram:

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

2 months ago

0

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of aging gracefully – from stealthy moves to crackling grooves! 🕺💀 Just remember, each creak and pop is a reminder of your well-earned wisdom… or maybe it's just your body reminding you to stretch more! 🧘‍♂️😂 Embrace the symphony of sounds that come with entering the fabulous 40s club! 🎶🔊 #CreakyButCheeky"

40s, ability, aging, bones, changes, cracking, humor, life, life changes, sneaky, walk, walking, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

0

2 months ago

humor, nope, person, personality, sarcasm
Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

0

2 months ago

apparently, baby, eat, family, humor, laziness, lot, me, means, nephew, new, personality, resemblance, sleep, wants
Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

0

2 months ago

congratulations, driving, humor, light, me, past, rage, red, red light, road, road rage, sarcasm, special, speeding
Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

0

4 months ago

communication, flirting, humor, ragebaiting, relationship, sarcasm
Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

0

2 months ago

cuisine, food, haggis, humor, joke, meal, Scotland, stomach, twice
If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

0

2 months ago

advice, family, follow, give, hack, humor, just, kid, me, parenting, play, sibling, toy, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on YouTube this month:

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

40 shares on Discord this month:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,528

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Making waves on Slack:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

Seen just now on Discord:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Making waves on YouTube:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Trending via X:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

Live now on X:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Shared recently on WeChat:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Trending via YouTube:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Spotted on Telegram:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

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