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Commentary:
"Raising kids is like being a tooth fairy, except instead of collecting teeth under pillows, you end up with a mysterious stash of tiny enamel treasures in a drawer somewhere. 🧚‍♂️🦷 #ParentingMysteries"

childhood, family, having, humor, idea, kids, lot, parenting, possession, surprise, teeth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

0

2 months ago

August, blame, diet, fitness, holiday, humor, overweight, self-reflection
Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

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2 months ago

age, airline, humor, just, number, priority, queue, seating, travel
I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

0

2 months ago

battle, debate, humor, i, opinion, performance, person, politics, presidential, rap, should
I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

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2 months ago

bear, biblical, biblical phrases, crops, cursing, eat, fruit, hope, humor, i, insults, mustard, mustard seed, people, phrases, ravens, sarcasm, seed, seeds, start, wit
Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

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3 months ago

answer, contemplation, frustration, humor, new, nothing, sarcasm, sky, staring
Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

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2 months ago

activity, anxiety, attack, fun, fun activity, humor, Jaws, playing, song, spice, spice up, theme, theme song

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

87 shares on X this month:

Occupation: the ugly friend!

74 shares on Twitch this month:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Just landed via Instagram:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Freshly posted on X:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Just shared via Discord:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Going viral on WeChat:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Spotted on Pinterest:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Just shared via X:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨