Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.
  • So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.
  • Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.
  • Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.
  • My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.
  • Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.