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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Seen just now on Threads:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

Just landed via Telegram:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Spotted on Slack:

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

Just landed via Pinterest:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

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When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.
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Commentary:
Ah, the classic "I don't want a relationship right now" line – the unspoken message: "at least not with you." 🙊 It's the modern dating equivalent of saying, "It's not you, it's me" with a subtle twist. Who knew silence could be so loud? 😅 Remember, it's all about reading between the lines… or in this case, the silence! 🤔🔇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

49 shares on X this month:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

10 shares on Threads this month:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,321

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Making waves on Twitch:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Just landed via Slack:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Live now on WeChat:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

Shared recently on Threads:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

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