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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

33 minutes ago

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Making waves on Pinterest:

January is the Monday of the year.

Freshly posted on X:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Windmill? Big fan.

Spotted on TikTok:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Trending via Discord:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Just landed via Instagram:

Alexa, mute my children.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Jan 20, 2025

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

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Commentary:
Ah, the classic "I don't want a relationship right now" line – the unspoken message: "at least not with you." 🙊 It's the modern dating equivalent of saying, "It's not you, it's me" with a subtle twist. Who knew silence could be so loud? 😅 Remember, it's all about reading between the lines… or in this case, the silence! 🤔🔇

context, date, humor, i, rejection, relationship, right, silent, someone, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

33 minutes ago

3,460

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Reddit:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Trending via Instagram:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Going viral on Reddit:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Spotted on Discord:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Breaking via Threads:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Trending via Twitch:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

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