When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

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I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

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Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

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I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

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Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

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I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

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Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

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Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

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Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

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Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

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I have an addiction to pattern recognition.