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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ถ has viewed:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesnโ€™t acknowledge it well.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ถ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has shared:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on Slack:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Just landed via Messenger:

Iโ€™m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Spotted on Telegram:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

Just landed via X:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like Iโ€™m gonna solve a mystery.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Done with work today. The work day isnโ€™t over, Iโ€™m just done with it.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I wonder if itโ€™s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Trending via Instagram:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Funny quote about pet bed mishaps and unintended fish casualties.
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Commentary:
Looks like someone mistook "pet bed" for "people bed" and poor Goldie didn't stand a chance! ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ’ค #SleepingWithTheFishes #FishOutOfWater

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no theyโ€™re robots.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

19 shares on Threads this month:

If overthinking burned calories, Iโ€™d never need to exercise again.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

โ€œYouโ€™re so funny!โ€ Thanks, I didnโ€™t get laid in high school.

21 shares on Discord this month:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

71 shares on Slack this month:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

82 shares on Discord this month:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

12 shares on X this month:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

We should all go into advertising and fix whatโ€™s going on with commercials. They need our help.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why donโ€™t we put them in charge of more stuff?

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that youโ€™re very difficult to deal with.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If the apple really doesnโ€™t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I donโ€™t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,765

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ป has viewed:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

Not today, Satan, but next week works.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฎ has bookmarked:

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. Itโ€™s staying in there.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ถ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

I need a break from me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on WhatsApp:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Live now on Snapchat:

Is it fall yet? I really canโ€™t suck my stomach in much longer.

Just landed via Twitch:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Trending via Telegram:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Shared recently on Discord:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Just stay single, yโ€™allโ€ฆ Iโ€™m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Spotted on Discord:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Just shared via YouTube:

โ€œThereโ€™s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.โ€

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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