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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,269

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Just landed via Facebook:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Going viral on Slack:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Shared recently on Threads:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Just landed via Slack:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Just landed via Telegram:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Just shared via Reddit:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

2 weeks ago

Humorous text pondering why mosquitoes don't feed on fat instead of blood.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, imagine a world where you could get rid of excess pounds simply by shooing away a mosquito – talk about a weight loss hack worth buzzing about! 🦟💪 Don't worry though, knowing mosquitoes, they'd probably just end up sucking the joy out of dessert instead. #MosquitoDietGoals 🍰😂🔥

diet, fat, health, humor, joke, mosquito

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

88 shares on Slack this month:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

95 shares on Threads this month:

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

63 shares on X this month:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

71 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

41 shares on Threads this month:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,676

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Seen just now on X:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Spotted on Telegram:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Going viral on WeChat:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Going viral on Threads:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Live now on Slack:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

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