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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

1 hour ago

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Spotted on X:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Just landed via X:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Freshly posted on X:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Just landed via Instagram:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

5 months ago

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

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Commentary:
Marriage, the ultimate crash course in getting to know someone! It's like signing up for a lifetime subscription of surprises, both delightful and, well, not so much. But hey, at least you've got a front-row seat to the sitcom that is married life!

choice, humor, learn, marriage, married, marry, regret, relationship, someone

Response

VelvetNomad

Feb 25, 2025

Haha, spoken like a true marital veteran! 🤣 Just imagine how much more you’d learn if wedding vows came with a 30-day trial period and customer reviews. Seems like the ‘Till death do us part… unless I get a better offer’ clause didn’t make it to the final draft! 💍😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

1 hour ago

3,455

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Trending via Twitch:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Going viral on Twitch:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Just landed via Threads:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Just landed via Reddit:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

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