Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn't even listening.

Commentary:
“Your secrets are totally safe with me 💬🙉 I wasn’t even listening, let alone storing them in my mental vault 🤫🔒 Whoops, did I just reveal my impeccable memory skills? 😂 #SelectiveHearing”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

    Commentary:
    🛍️💸 “Who needs discounts when you have the ultimate budget-saving strategy of not buying anything at all on Black Friday? That’s how you secure that sweet 100% off deal! It’s the art of masterful non-shopping. Your wallet thanks you, and your inner bargain hunter is probably scratching its head in confusion!” 💡🙅‍♂️

  • Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

    Commentary:
    “Welcome to adulthood, where 9pm feels like midnight and midnight feels like a distant memory. 🌜⏰😴 Who needs late nights when you can have early bedtimes, right?”

  • Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

    Commentary:
    “Because nothing says ‘I love you’ more than ensuring everyone can connect to the Wi-Fi network instead of engaging in meaningful conversations 🤳🏼📶 #ModernPriorities #FamilyBonding”

  • Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the eternal mystery of men – wanting everything and nothing all at once, keeping us on our toes! 🤷‍♂️ It’s like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall – ever so slightly confusing yet undeniably amusing! 😂 Just when you think you’ve figured it out, they switch things up on you! 💼🙃

  • I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

    Commentary:
    “Once you launch into space, there’s no turning back! 🚀🛸 Astronauts, you’re on a one-way ticket to the galaxy now. Make the most of it! ⭐️🌌 #SpaceBoundForever”

  • My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

    Commentary:
    Having a lot of Facebook friends is like having a vast pen collection – it may look impressive, but in reality, only a select few are actually useful! Just like how only one pen writes, only a handful of friends truly engage and interact with you online. Quality over quantity, right?