Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Your secrets are totally safe with me 💬🙉 I wasn't even listening, let alone storing them in my mental vault 🤫🔒 Whoops, did I just reveal my impeccable memory skills? 😂 #SelectiveHearing"

friendship, humor, i, listening, me, sarcasm, secret, trust

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Slack this month:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

46 shares on X this month:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Girls are perverts when they like you.

18 shares on Discord this month:

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Going viral on Discord:

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Breaking via Facebook:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

Trending via Snapchat:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Spotted on Reddit:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Going viral on Messenger:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Spotted on Slack:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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