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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Live now on Discord:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Freshly posted on X:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Trending via Instagram:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Witty text about mistaken identity and intelligence, humorous and playful in tone.
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Commentary:
Oh honey, I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm definitely not a spoon 😉🤓 Let's keep those mistaken identities in check!

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on X this month:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You can reach me by butterfly.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,418

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Going bananas on Slack:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Seen just now on X:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Broadcasted on X:

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

Just shared via YouTube:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Breaking via Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Live now on Slack:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Broadcasted on X:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Spotted on Twitch:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Spotted on Threads:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

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