New funny age quotes

• One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

• When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

• My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

• I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

• Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

• I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

• You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

• How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

• I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

• I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Top funny age quotes

• Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

• My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

• I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

• Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

• I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

• Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

• Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

• They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

• The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

• I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Popular funny age quotes

• Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

• Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

• Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

• I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

• TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

• Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

• Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

• People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

• Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

• If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

More funny age quotes

• I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

• Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

• Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

• I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

• Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

• Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

• I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

• When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

• By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

• When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Witty age quotes

• Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

• Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

• Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

• (To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

• A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

• Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

• You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

• Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

• Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

• Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Funny age quotes remind us that while the years keep adding up 📅, so do the funny stories 😂. From nostalgic “back in my day” speeches 🧓 to realizing you now make weird “dad noises” 🤣, aging is full of unexpected comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who believes that getting older is mandatory — but acting your age is completely optional 😄. So embrace the wrinkles, laugh at the changes, and enjoy the endless humor that comes with every birthday 🎈!