50+ Funny Age Quotes That Prove Growing Older Is A Comedy Routine

Intelligence is now free, and the golden age of the nerd is over.

If every lesbian is into older women, who’s gonna like the younger ones?

From a very young age, I knew that everyone was wrong and I was right.

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

Your soul is out of balance because you have fallen out of touch with your consumer demographic. Pay more attention to your personalized ads, let them flow through you.

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Having an international law degree in this day and age must be what it feels like losing chess to a dog and getting robbed of $90,000 afterward.

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

25 is the new 0 years old.

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.