Funny always quotes highlight the hilarious side of things we always say, do, or swear we’ll never do again… until we do 😂. From always running late ⏰ to always making the same bad decisions 🍕, life is full of patterns we can’t seem to break 🤪. These quotes poke fun at our predictable habits and the funny lies we tell ourselves 🙃. Get ready to laugh at how often always actually means yet again! 😄
New funny always quotes
- In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.
- If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.
- “You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.
- Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.
- Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live in a galaxy far, far away.
- Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?
- You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?
- Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
- I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.
- Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.
Top funny always quotes
- I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.
- It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.
- A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.
- Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.
- Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.
- I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.
- When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.
- Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.
- Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.
- Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.
Popular funny always quotes
- The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.
- Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.
- My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.
- Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?
- Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.
- Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.
- “You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.
- When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.
- I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.
- If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.
More funny always quotes
- I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.
- I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.
- My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.
- My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.
- My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.
- If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?
- People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.
- I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.
- I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.
- I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.
Witty always quotes
- Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.
- There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!
- Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.
- When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.
- If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.
- Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.
- Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.
- I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.
- When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.
- I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.
Funny always quotes remind us that life’s little routines and repeated mistakes are comedy gold 🤣. Whether it’s always losing your keys 🔑, always saying “just one more episode” 📺, or always promising to start fresh on Monday 🗓️, we’re all creatures of hilarious habit 🤷♂️. These quotes are perfect for anyone who recognizes their own “always moments” and can’t help but laugh 😂. So embrace the repetition, laugh at the predictability, and enjoy the humor in the things we always do 🤪!