Funny bed quotes celebrate that magical place where we feel like royalty ποΈ β and where productivity goes to die π€ͺ. From hitting snooze repeatedly β° to negotiating with yourself every morning about getting up π, beds create endless comedy every single day π. These quotes capture the hilarious love affair we all have with our beds and the daily struggle of leaving them behind. Get ready to laugh at how your bed somehow becomes more comfortable right when itβs time to get up π!
New funny bed quotes
- Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.
- I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. Itβs called my bed.
- Beds are always the coziest when itβs time to get up and you donβt want to.
- Itβs not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.
- First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.
- Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.
- I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.
- When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.
- Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.
- Sorry, canβt go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I canβt let it down.
Top funny bed quotes
- How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.
- The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.
- Forget hot girl summer, itβs rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).
- I canβt wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.
- Just found out it donβt matter how early I go to bed, I just donβt wanna go to work.
- I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.
- So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.
- Love crawling into bed like itβs a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.
- I donβt understand why people have to βget ready for bed.β I am always ready for bed.
- I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?
Popular funny bed quotes
- Hey, sorry I canβt go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now Iβm busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.
- The sound of rain outside when youβre in bed is elite.
- A big part of my wifeβs cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.
- Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.
- How can I be expected to get out of bed when I donβt want to?
- Sometimes Iβm just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.
- Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.
- The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.
- If you call me βdaddyβ in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.
- Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.
More funny bed quotes
- Iβve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but Iβve never been told Iβm bad in bed.
- The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.
- The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours β left, right, middle.
- The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.
- Absolutely destroyed my bed last night⦠I cuddled those covers so hard.
- βYou let your cat on the bed?β I would put her on my life insurance.
- For someone who loves to sleep so much, youβd think Iβd go to bed earlier.
- Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.
- Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.
- To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!
Witty bed quotes
- The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.
- Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. Iβm getting pissed just thinking about it.
- Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayinβ.
- You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.
- Problematic bed time gap relationship.
- I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think thatβs enough for one day.
- I love my bed so much, what a place.
- Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.
- Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.
- Roses are red, Iβm staying in bed. Iβve made no plans, besides pretending Iβm dead.
Funny bed quotes remind us that beds are not just for sleeping β theyβre for scrolling endlessly π±, snacking secretly π«, and avoiding responsibilities completely π. Whether itβs late-night overthinking π or weekend marathons of doing absolutely nothing ποΈ, beds offer nonstop comedy gold π€£. These quotes are perfect for anyone whoβs mastered the art of pretending βjust five more minutesβ π. So snuggle in, embrace the laziness, and keep laughing at your unbreakable bond with your bed π€ͺ!