50+ Funny Date Quotes That Prove Romance Is Always A Bit Awkward

New funny date quotes

• It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

• If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

• Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

• Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

• First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

• The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

• “Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

• Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

• Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

• Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Top funny date quotes

• Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

• Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

• There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

• Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

• The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

• Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

• Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

• Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

• Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

• The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Popular funny date quotes

• Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

• With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

• May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

• I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

• I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

• Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

• If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

• Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

• Don’t hate me, date me!

• Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

More funny date quotes

• Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

• Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

• Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

• If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

• Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

• Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

• You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

• I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

• Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

• Date night idea: fight another couple.

Witty date quotes

• Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

• Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

• But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

• All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

• The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

• Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

• What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

• I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

• I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

• Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Funny date quotes remind us that while love might be serious, dating is often pure comedy 🎭. Whether it’s bad restaurant choices 🍝, embarrassing moments 🤦‍♂️, or conversations that go completely off the rails 🚂, every date is full of laughs. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s survived the wild world of dating — and come out with great stories 🤣. So embrace the cringe, enjoy the charm, and keep laughing your way through every date 🤪!