New funny decision quotes

• “Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

• Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

• When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

• My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

• Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

• Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

• Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

• Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

• I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

• Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

Top funny decision quotes

• You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

• Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

• Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

• Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

• One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

• People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

• I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

• The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

• I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

• I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Popular funny decision quotes

• I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

• “I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

• Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

• For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

• Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

• Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

• A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

• Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

• What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

• All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

More funny decision quotes

• How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

• Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

• “I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

• I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

• Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

• Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

• Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

• Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

• Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

• Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Witty decision quotes

• Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

• If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

• I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

• Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

• If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

• All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

• I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

• Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

• “Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

• There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Funny decision quotes remind us that while decisions shape our lives 🛣️, they mostly leave us wondering “did I make the right call?” 🤣. Whether it’s tiny daily choices ☕, career moves 💼, or just deciding where to eat 🍔, every decision seems to come with second-guessing and hilarious regret 🙃. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s mastered the art of making decisions… eventually 🤪. So embrace the indecision, laugh at the overthinking, and enjoy the comedy of making choices 😂!