50+ Funny Decision Quotes That Prove Choosing Anything Is A Comedy Show

New funny decision quotes

• Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

• Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

• Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

• Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

• Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

• Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

• Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

• If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

• I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

• Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Top funny decision quotes

• If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

• All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

• I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

• Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

• “Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

• There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

• Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

• Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

• After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

• The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Popular funny decision quotes

• Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

• I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

• One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

• I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

• I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

• Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

• I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

• Might quit my job to focus on summer.

• It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

• Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

More funny decision quotes

• I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

• The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

• I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

• Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

• I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

• Hold on, let me overthink this.

• Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

• I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

• Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

• Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Witty decision quotes

• Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

• Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

• That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

• We decided to have money instead of children.

• Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

• Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

• Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

• Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

• The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

• If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Funny decision quotes remind us that while decisions shape our lives 🛣️, they mostly leave us wondering “did I make the right call?” 🤣. Whether it’s tiny daily choices ☕, career moves 💼, or just deciding where to eat 🍔, every decision seems to come with second-guessing and hilarious regret 🙃. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s mastered the art of making decisions… eventually 🤪. So embrace the indecision, laugh at the overthinking, and enjoy the comedy of making choices 😂!