50+ Funny Family Quotes That Prove Every Home Is A Comedy Show

New funny family quotes

• Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

• Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

• Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

• Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

• Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

• “I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

• “Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

• So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

• I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

• Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

Top funny family quotes

• Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

• Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

• The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

• I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

• I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

• My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

• My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

• There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

• All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

• My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Popular funny family quotes

• Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

• “What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

• I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

• I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

• I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

• Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

• 38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

• My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

• Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

• If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

More funny family quotes

• We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

• I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

• People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

• Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

• Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

• No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

• Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

• As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

• Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

• Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Witty family quotes

• My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

• Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

• Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

• If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

• My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

• I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

• Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

• Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

• Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

• My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Funny family quotes remind us that no matter how crazy things get 🎢, family is where the best stories come from 📖. From sibling rivalries 👯‍♂️ to epic holiday fails 🎄, the people you share your DNA with are a constant source of entertainment 😂. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever survived a family road trip 🚗 or laughed through a chaotic family gathering 🍗. So embrace the madness, cherish the memories, and keep laughing with (and at) your family 🤣!