New funny family quotes

• When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

• My parents think they know me.

• The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

• My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

• Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

• My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

• Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

• Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

• When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

• One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Top funny family quotes

• I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

• It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

• You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

• They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

• I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

• I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

• Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

• Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

• Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

• My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Popular funny family quotes

• I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

• Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

• In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

• I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

• In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

• Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

• My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

• Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

• My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

• Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

More funny family quotes

• My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

• One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

• The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

• (To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

• You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

• I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

• Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

• This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

• My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

• Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Witty family quotes

• I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

• Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

• I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

• Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

• Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

• My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

• Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

• And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

• Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

• My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Funny family quotes remind us that no matter how crazy things get 🎢, family is where the best stories come from 📖. From sibling rivalries 👯‍♂️ to epic holiday fails 🎄, the people you share your DNA with are a constant source of entertainment 😂. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever survived a family road trip 🚗 or laughed through a chaotic family gathering 🍗. So embrace the madness, cherish the memories, and keep laughing with (and at) your family 🤣!