New funny food quotes

• My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

• I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

• “Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

• Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

• Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

• I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

• Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

• The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

• I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

• There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Top funny food quotes

• Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

• Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

• The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

• My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

• At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

• I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

• Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

• The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

• Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

• I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Popular funny food quotes

• Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

• My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

• Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

• It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

• They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

• When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

• That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

• Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

• Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

• Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, ‘They’re eating right now.’

More funny food quotes

• The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

• It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

• Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

• My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

• Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

• I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

• Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

• I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

• My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

• I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

Witty food quotes

• Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

• The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

• I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

• Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

• Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

• In these difficult times, it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

• I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

• Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

• Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

• My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Funny food quotes remind us that some of life’s best moments happen with a fork in hand 🍴. From guilty pleasures 🍫 to epic kitchen fails 🔥, food fuels both our bodies and our sense of humor 😂. These quotes are perfect for sharing with fellow food lovers 🍝 or for chuckling at your own snack-related drama 🙃. So celebrate the joy of eating, laugh at the cravings, and always remember: calories don’t count when you’re having fun 🍰!