50+ Funny Health Quotes That Prove Wellness Can Be Seriously Hilarious

New funny health quotes

• Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

• Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

• It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

• Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

• “You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

• Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

• Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

• Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

• I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

• I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Top funny health quotes

• The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

• Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

• It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

• “You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

• “Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

• Therapy? I have Spotify.

• Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

• Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

• “We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

• At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Popular funny health quotes

• I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

• My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

• Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

• Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

• Social media is mental suicide.

• Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

• Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

• Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

• Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

• Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

More funny health quotes

• Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

• I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

• “I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

• Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

• My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

• Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

• Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

• Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

• If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

• Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Witty health quotes

• Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

• They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

• The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

• (Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

• I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

• People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

• “I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

• The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

• Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

• We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Funny health quotes remind us that while taking care of ourselves is important 🩺, it doesn’t have to be so serious 😂. From exercise mishaps 🏃‍♂️ to confusing health trends 🥴, our wellness journeys are full of comic relief 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever promised to start “Monday” and instantly regretted it by Tuesday 🙃. So keep trying, keep laughing, and remember — a good sense of humor might be the ultimate health hack 😆!