New funny health quotes

• My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

• I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

• Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

• My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

• Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

• The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

• Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

• Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

• Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Top funny health quotes

• Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

• Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

• Overthinkaholic!

• Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

• Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

• Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

• One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

• When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

• Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

• If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

Popular funny health quotes

• Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

• I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

• Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

• Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

• Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

• They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

• My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

• Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

• The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

• You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

More funny health quotes

• 3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

• The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

• Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

• At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

• Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

• Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

• For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

• Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

• Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

• Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Witty health quotes

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

• Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

• You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

• Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

• My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

• You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

• Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

• Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

• Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

• Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Funny health quotes remind us that while taking care of ourselves is important 🩺, it doesn’t have to be so serious 😂. From exercise mishaps 🏃‍♂️ to confusing health trends 🥴, our wellness journeys are full of comic relief 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever promised to start “Monday” and instantly regretted it by Tuesday 🙃. So keep trying, keep laughing, and remember — a good sense of humor might be the ultimate health hack 😆!