New funny health quotes

• It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

• “You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

• “Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

• Therapy? I have Spotify.

• Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

• Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

• “We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

• At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

• I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

• My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Top funny health quotes

• Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

• Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

• Social media is mental suicide.

• Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

• Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

• Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

• Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

• Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

• Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

• I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Popular funny health quotes

• “I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

• Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

• My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

• Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

• Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

• Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

• If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

• Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

• Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

• They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

More funny health quotes

• The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

• (Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

• I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

• People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

• “I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

• The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

• Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

• We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

• Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

• Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Witty health quotes

• Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

• At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

• I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

• I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

• I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

• Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

• If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

• Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

• You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

• The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Funny health quotes remind us that while taking care of ourselves is important 🩺, it doesn’t have to be so serious 😂. From exercise mishaps 🏃‍♂️ to confusing health trends 🥴, our wellness journeys are full of comic relief 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever promised to start “Monday” and instantly regretted it by Tuesday 🙃. So keep trying, keep laughing, and remember — a good sense of humor might be the ultimate health hack 😆!