New funny home quotes

• Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

• Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

• Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

• That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

• College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

• The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

• Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

• I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

• My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

• Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Top funny home quotes

• Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

• My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

• To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

• Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

• The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

• No plans and no pants kind of day.

• My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

• Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

• Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

• Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Popular funny home quotes

• Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

• “I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

• When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

• I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

• Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

• 70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

• I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

• People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

• Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

More funny home quotes

• Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

• Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

• My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

• Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

• Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

• I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

• Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

• I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

• Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

• Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Witty home quotes

• How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

• Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

• No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

• My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

• Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

• Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

• Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

• When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

• If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

• Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Funny home quotes remind us that while home is where the heart is ❤️, it’s also where things constantly go hilariously wrong 😂. From missing socks 🧦 to awkward family moments 🥴, life at home is packed with comedy gold 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever looked around their house and thought, “Well, that escalated quickly” 🙃. So embrace the mess, enjoy the comfort, and keep laughing at the beautiful madness that makes home so special 🤪!