New funny house quotes

• Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

• Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

• You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

• When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

• I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

• I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

• Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

• A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

• Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

• If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Top funny house quotes

• A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

• All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

• Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

• Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

• In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

• My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

• I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

• Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

• Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

• Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Popular funny house quotes

• Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

• “I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

• I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

• “I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

• Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

• Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

• The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

• Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

• Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

• Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

More funny house quotes

• Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

• Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

• It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

• Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

• If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

• Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

• You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

• Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

• I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

• The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Witty house quotes

• Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

• Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

• Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

• My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

• “I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

• If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

• My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

• Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

• I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

• People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Funny house quotes remind us that owning or living in a house is full of little dramas that turn into hilarious stories 🤣. From squeaky doors 🚪 to appliances that only break when you need them most 🛠️, every house keeps you guessing 🙃. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever stared at a home project and thought, “How hard can it be?” (famous last words 😂). So embrace the mess, laugh at the repairs, and enjoy the comedy that comes with every house 🤪!