New funny job quotes

• Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

• Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

• Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

• Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

• Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

• Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

• Eating healthy requires a second job.

• As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

• An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

• Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Top funny job quotes

• How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

• Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

• It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

• I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

• My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

• Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

• Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

• Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

• Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

• If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Popular funny job quotes

• Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

• I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

• One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

• You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

• I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

• Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

• They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

• Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

• Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

• An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

More funny job quotes

• Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

• It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

• What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

• The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

• A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

• Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

• I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

• Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

• The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

• Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Witty job quotes

• Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

• Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

• Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

• Having a job ruined my life.

• Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

• Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

• If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

• My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

• Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

• If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Funny job quotes remind us that work might pay the bills 💸, but it also provides plenty of laughable moments 😂. From bizarre coworker habits 🗣️ to office tech that never works when you need it 🖥️, the job world is full of daily comedy gold 🤣. These quotes are perfect for sharing with coworkers who totally get the struggle 🙃. So keep grinding, keep laughing, and remember: sometimes humor is the only bonus you really need 🤪!