Funny new quotes capture the hilarious excitement (and panic) that comes with trying anything new 🤪. From starting new jobs 🖥️ to making new year’s resolutions 🎯, every fresh beginning brings a mix of hope, confusion, and funny fails 😂. These quotes celebrate the awkward first steps, the overconfidence 🙃, and the learning curves that turn every new experience into a comedy show 🎭. Get ready to laugh at the funny side of starting something new 😄!
New funny new quotes
- That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.
- Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.
- One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.
- It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.
- We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.
- Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.
- Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?
- I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?
- Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.
- Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.
Top funny new quotes
- Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.
- Social media is a great way to make new enemies.
- Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.
- Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.
- How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?
- I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.
- To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.
- Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.
- “I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”
- Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.
Popular funny new quotes
- There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!
- Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”
- Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.
- Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.
- My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.
- Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?
- My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.
- If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.
- I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.
- I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.
More funny new quotes
- Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.
- Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!
- Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.
- People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!
- I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.
- My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.
- My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.
- Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.
- Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.
- Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.
Witty new quotes
- No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.
- There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.
- Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.
- Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.
- Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.
- “New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.
- Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.
- Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.
- If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
- Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?
Funny new quotes remind us that while new beginnings sound exciting 🌅, they usually come with plenty of “what am I doing?” moments 🤦♂️. Whether it’s a new hobby 🎨, a new habit 🏋️♂️, or a brand-new mess you’ve just created 🤷♀️, starting fresh always brings some laughs 😂. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s embraced something new — and instantly realized how hilarious that choice can be 🤣. So dive in, embrace the chaos, and enjoy the humor of every new adventure 🤪!