New funny pet quotes

• Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

• I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

• My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

• I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

• Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

• Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

• I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

• You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

• Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

• If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

Top funny pet quotes

• If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

• Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

• So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

• Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

• A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

• One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

• I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

• My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

• Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

• I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Popular funny pet quotes

• Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

• Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

• Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

• Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

• I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

• Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

• I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

• The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

• Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

More funny pet quotes

• Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

• Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

• My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

• The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

• Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

• When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

• I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

• Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

• I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

• I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Witty pet quotes

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

• Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

• My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

• Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

• I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

• Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

• Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

• Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

• I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Funny pet quotes remind us that while pets may be cute 🐾, they’re also experts at creating chaos and stealing the spotlight 🤣. Whether it’s barking at nothing 🐕, staring at invisible ghosts 👻, or completely ignoring your commands 🙃, pets are endless sources of entertainment. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that being a pet owner means constantly laughing at the nonsense your little companion pulls off daily 🤪. So grab some treats, scratch some bellies, and enjoy the hilarious ride that comes with having a pet 😆!