50+ Funny Pet Quotes That Prove Our Furry Friends Are Secret Comedians

New funny pet quotes

• I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

• Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

• I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

• Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

• The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

• Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

• When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

• I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

• Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

• I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Top funny pet quotes

• I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

• Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

• My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

• Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

• I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

• Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

• Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

• Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Popular funny pet quotes

• I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

• Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

• You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

• Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

• I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

• With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

• My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

• Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

• Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

• My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

More funny pet quotes

• Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

• My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

• Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

• Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

• Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

• Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

• When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

• Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

• People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Witty pet quotes

• My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

• I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

• I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

• Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

• If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

• Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

• Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

• I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

• If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

• Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Funny pet quotes remind us that while pets may be cute 🐾, they’re also experts at creating chaos and stealing the spotlight 🤣. Whether it’s barking at nothing 🐕, staring at invisible ghosts 👻, or completely ignoring your commands 🙃, pets are endless sources of entertainment. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that being a pet owner means constantly laughing at the nonsense your little companion pulls off daily 🤪. So grab some treats, scratch some bellies, and enjoy the hilarious ride that comes with having a pet 😆!