50+ Funny Phone Quotes That Prove Our Devices Own Us, Not The Other Way Around

New funny phone quotes

• Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

• Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

• Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

• Easy there, unsaved number.

• Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

• Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

• Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

• I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

• Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

• Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Top funny phone quotes

• I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

• Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

• Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

• I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

• Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

• There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

• After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

• I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

• My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

• Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Popular funny phone quotes

• My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

• Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

• The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

• When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

• I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

• Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

• Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

• Life sucks a lot less when your feet are in a creek, and you forgot your phone in the truck.

• Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

• Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

More funny phone quotes

• Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

• If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

• Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

• So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

• Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

• My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

• I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

• Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

• Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

• You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Witty phone quotes

• Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

• I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

• My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

• The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

• None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

• Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

• I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

• Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

• You used to calm me on my cell phone!

• If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Funny phone quotes remind us that while technology keeps us connected 📶, it also keeps us endlessly entertained (often at our own expense) 🤣. Whether it’s sending texts to the wrong person 📩, dropping your phone on your face in bed 😅, or panicking when you can’t find it for five seconds 🕵️‍♂️, phones deliver non-stop comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever said “just one more scroll” — and instantly regretted it 🙃. So embrace the obsession, laugh at the fails, and enjoy the daily comedy show your phone provides 🤪!