New funny relationship quotes

• I’m so single right now that I stood on a cliff and shouted, “I love you,” and my echo replied, “I just wanna be friends.”

• I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

• Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

• My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

• My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

• The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

• Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

• If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

• What happened to the art of just liking one person?

• Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Top funny relationship quotes

• Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

• If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

• Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

• Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

• Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

• I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

• Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

• I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.

• “Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

• God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

Popular funny relationship quotes

• I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

• Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

• Does anyone know where I can find true love?

• Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

• I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

• Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

• A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

• Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

• Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

• Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

More funny relationship quotes

• Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

• Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

• Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

• You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

• You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

• The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

• If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

• If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

• I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

• I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Witty relationship quotes

• If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

• Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

• Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

• Fifty shades of I miss you.

• Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

• Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

• Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

• My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

• Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

• I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Funny relationship quotes prove that the secret to lasting love might just be shared laughter 😂. Whether it’s laughing at your partner’s quirks 🧦, surviving each other’s weird habits 🧩, or turning daily chaos into inside jokes 🤣, humor keeps relationships strong 💪. These quotes remind us that perfection isn’t the goal 🎯 — it’s about finding someone who laughs at life’s craziness right along with you 👯‍♂️. So keep the jokes coming, cherish the silly moments, and never stop giggling together 🤗.