New funny sarcasm quotes

• To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

• Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

• Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

• I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

• Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

• All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

• I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

• Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

• I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

• Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

Top funny sarcasm quotes

• Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

• I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

• When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

• If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

• Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

• What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

• I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

• I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

• The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

• Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Popular funny sarcasm quotes

• I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

• I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

• Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

• If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

• Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

• “Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

• To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

• I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

• If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

• I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

More funny sarcasm quotes

• “Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

• I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

• Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

• I’ve tasted being the bigger person. I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

• I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

• I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

• Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

• It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

• No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

• Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Witty sarcasm quotes

• If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

• One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

• I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

• A real smartphone would cut you off.

• I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

• I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

• Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

• I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

• Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

• I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Funny sarcasm quotes remind us that sometimes the best way to handle nonsense is with a perfectly delivered zinger 🥊. From biting one-liners 🗣️ to subtle digs 👀, sarcasm turns frustration into comedy gold 🎭. These quotes are ideal for anyone who’s mastered the art of the sassy comeback 🤪 or just appreciates a good dose of dry humor 😂. So keep the wit sharp, the comebacks ready, and always remember: if you can’t say something nice, say it sarcastically 😎.