New funny say quotes

• The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

• They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

• “I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

• They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

• Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

• People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

• Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

• To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

• Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

• I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Top funny say quotes

• Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

• The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

• Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

• The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

• Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

• I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

• I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

• Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

• 80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

• Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Popular funny say quotes

• I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

• They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

• I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

• Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

• My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

• The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

• I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

• Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

• The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

• My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

More funny say quotes

• If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

• They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

• If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

• Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

• I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

• Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

• If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

• There will be people in your life that say you have too many books. Those are not your people.

• One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

• Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Witty say quotes

• When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

• When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

• The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

• You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

• I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

• Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

• Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

• When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

• I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

• I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Funny say quotes remind us that sometimes what comes out of our mouths is funnier than anything we could’ve planned 😂. Whether it’s a slip of the tongue 😬, a poorly timed joke 🤷‍♀️, or an unfiltered comment that leaves everyone speechless 🤣, talking can be a comedy routine all on its own. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever wished they had a rewind button 🔄. So keep talking, keep laughing, and enjoy the funny surprises in what we say 🤪!