New funny single quotes

• Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

• I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

• Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

• Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

• I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

• The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

• If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

• Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

• Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

• Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Top funny single quotes

• I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

• Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

• (Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

• I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

• How come all the single people don’t need no one, and all the married ones need two?

• I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

• It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

• I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

• Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

• Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Popular funny single quotes

• Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

• A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

• I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

• Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

• People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

• It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

• A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

• Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

• I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

• Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

More funny single quotes

• I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

• Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

• Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

• The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

• I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

• The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

• The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

• You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

• No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

• The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Witty single quotes

• Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

• I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

• If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

• One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

• Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

• Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

• The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

• I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

• Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

• Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Funny single quotes remind us that while being in a relationship has its perks 💕, being single comes with its own brand of hilarious independence 🤣. Whether it’s solo binge-watching marathons 📺, eating whatever you want 🍕, or having zero accountability for bad decisions 🙃, single life delivers constant comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that being single isn’t lonely — it’s just one big funny adventure 🤪. So embrace the solo laughs, enjoy the freedom, and keep having fun flying solo 😂!