50+ Funny Someone Quotes That Will Make You Laugh At People’s Quirks

New funny someone quotes

• I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

• Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

• The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

• Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

• Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

• How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

• Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

• A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

• I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

• I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Top funny someone quotes

• There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

• If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

• Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

• Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

• Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

• Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

• Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

• When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

• I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

• I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Popular funny someone quotes

• I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

• Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

• Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

• Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

• Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

• Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

• Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

• Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

• They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

• I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

More funny someone quotes

• “Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

• Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

• Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

• 80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

• For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

• We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

• Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

• God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

• I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

• I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Witty someone quotes

• Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

• Calling the police when someone unfollows.

• Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

• My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

• You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

• If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

• No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

• If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

• My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

• You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Funny someone quotes remind us that life is full of those someone moments — where we either shake our heads at others or realize we’re guilty ourselves 😂. From friends who “know someone who did that” 👀 to being that person who starts the chaos 🤷‍♀️, these quotes highlight the humor in human nature. Share them with your crew 🤝, tag that someone we all know 😜, and keep laughing at the wonderfully unpredictable people around us 🤣!